findingtimeinmypocket:

illest-karma:

I need this in my life. Only leave it open a crack at night so I can have fresh air and I’ll be good to go. :3

mien yes now?

(Source: shipintheblue, via thefemme-menace)

Happiness is something we’ve been intensely interested in, both from a research and from a cultural perspective. And one thing that consistently co-occurs with true happiness is the notion of authenticity — being, as the contrived but universally accurate saying goes, “true to ourselves,” something that inevitably necessitates a degree of vulnerability most of us are conditioned to be uncomfortable with. Brené Brown‘s fantastic talk from TEDxHouston deconstructs vulnerability to reveal what she calls “wholeheartedness”: The capacity to engage in our lives with authenticity, cultivate courage and compassion, and embrace — not in that self-help-book, motivational-seminar way, but really, deeply, profoundly embrace — the imperfections of who we really are.
It’s the perfect way to start your week — enjoy.

In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen — really seen.” ~ Brené Brown

(full subtitle)
So, I’ll start with this: a couple years ago, an event planner called me because I was going to do a speaking event. And she called, and she said, “I’m really struggling with how to write about you on the little flier.” And I thought, “Well, what’s the struggle?” And she said, “Well, I saw you speak, and I’m going to call you a researcher, I think, but I’m afraid if I call you a researcher, no one will come, because they’ll think you’re boring and irrelevant.” (Laughter) And I was like, “Okay.” And she said, “But the thing I liked about your talk is you’re a storyteller. So I think what I’ll do is just call you a storyteller.” And of course, the academic, insecure part of me was like, “You’re going to call me a what?” And she said, “I’m going to call you a storyteller.” And I was like, “Why not magic pixie?” (Laughter) I was like, “Let me think about this for a second.” I tried to call deep on my courage. And I thought, you know, I am a storyteller. I’m a qualitative researcher. I collect stories; that’s what I do. And maybe stories are just data with a soul. And maybe I’m just a storyteller. And so I said, “You know what? Why don’t you just say I’m a researcher-storyteller.” And she went, “Haha. There’s no such thing.” (Laughter) So I’m a researcher-storyteller, and I’m going to talk to you today — we’re talking about expanding perception — and so I want to talk to you and tell some stories about a piece of my research that fundamentally expanded my perception and really actually changed the way that I live and love and work and parent.

And this is where my story starts. When I was a young researcher, doctoral student, my first year I had a research professor who said to us, “Here’s the thing, if you cannot measure it, it does not exist.” And I thought he was just sweet-talking me. I was like, “Really?” and he was like, “Absolutely.” And so you have to understand that I have a bachelor’s in social work, a master’s in social work, and I was getting my Ph.D. in social work, so my entire academic career was surrounded by people who kind of believed in the “life’s messy, love it.” And I’m more of the, “life’s messy, clean it up, organize it and put it into a bento box.” (Laughter) And so to think that I had found my way, to found a career that takes me — really, one of the big sayings in social work is, “Lean into the discomfort of the work.” And I’m like, knock discomfort upside the head and move it over and get all A’s. That was my mantra. So I was very excited about this. And so I thought, you know what, this is the career for me, because I am interested in some messy topics. But I want to be able to make them not messy. I want to understand them. I want to hack into these things I know are important and lay the code out for everyone to see.

So where I started was with connection. Because, by the time you’re a social worker for 10 years, what you realize is that connection is why we’re here. It’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it’s all about. It doesn’t matter whether you talk to people who work in social justice and mental health and abuse and neglect, what we know is that connection, the ability to feel connected, is — neurobiologically that’s how we’re wired — it’s why we’re here. So I thought, you know what, I’m going to start with connection. Well, you know that situation where you get an evaluation from your boss, and she tells you 37 things you do really awesome, and one thing — an “opportunity for growth?” (Laughter) And all you can think about is that opportunity for growth, right? Well, apparently this is the way my work went as well, because, when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak. When you ask people about belonging, they’ll tell you their most excruciating experiences of being excluded. And when you ask people about connection, the stories they told me were about disconnection.

So very quickly — really about six weeks into this research — I ran into this unnamed thing that absolutely unraveled connection in a way that I didn’t understand or had never seen. And so I pulled back out of the research and thought, I need to figure out what this is. And it turned out to be shame. And shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? The things I can tell you about it: it’s universal; we all have it. The only people who don’t experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection. No one wants to talk about it, and the less you talk about it the more you have it. What underpinned this shame, this “I’m not good enough,” — which we all know that feeling: “I’m not blank enough. I’m not thin enough, rich enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” The thing that underpinned this was excruciating vulnerability, this idea of, in order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen.

And you know how I feel about vulnerability. I hate vulnerability. And so I thought, this is my chance to beat it back with my measuring stick. I’m going in, I’m going to figure this stuff out, I’m going to spend a year, I’m going to totally deconstruct shame, I’m going to understand how vulnerability works, and I’m going to outsmart it. So I was ready, and I was really excited. As you know, it’s not going to turn out well. (Laughter) You know this. So, I could tell you a lot about shame, but I’d have to borrow everyone else’s time. But here’s what I can tell you that it boils down to — and this may be one of the most important things that I’ve ever learned in the decade of doing this research. My one year turned into six years: thousands of stories, hundreds of long interviews, focus groups. At one point, people were sending me journal pages and sending me their stories — thousands of pieces of data in six years. And I kind of got a handle on it.

I kind of understood, this is what shame is, this is how it works. I wrote a book, I published a theory, but something was not okay — and what it was is that, if I roughly took the people I interviewed and divided them into people who really have a sense of worthiness — that’s what this comes down to, a sense of worthiness — they have a strong sense of love and belonging — and folks who struggle for it, and folks who are always wondering if they’re good enough. There was only one variable that separated the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging and the people who really struggle for it. And that was, the people who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. That’s it. They believe they’re worthy. And to me, the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we’re not worthy of connection, was something that, personally and professionally, I felt like I needed to understand better. So what I did is I took all of the interviews where I saw worthiness, where I saw people living that way, and just looked at those.

What do these people have in common? I have a slight office supply addiction, but that’s another talk. So I had a manila folder, and I had a Sharpie, and I was like, what am I going to call this research? And the first words that came to my mind were whole-hearted. These are whole-hearted people, living from this deep sense of worthiness. So I wrote at the top of the manila folder, and I started looking at the data. In fact, I did it first in a four-day very intensive data analysis, where I went back, pulled these interviews, pulled the stories, pulled the incidents. What’s the theme? What’s the pattern? My husband left town with the kids because I always go into this Jackson Pollock crazy thing, where I’m just like writing and in my researcher mode. And so here’s what I found. What they had in common was a sense of courage. And I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language — it’s from the Latin word cor, meaning heart — and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. And so these folks had, very simply, the courage to be imperfect. They had the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then to others, because, as it turns out, we can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly. And the last was they had connection, and — this was the hard part — as a result of authenticity, they were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were, which you have to absolutely do that for connection.

The other thing that they had in common was this: They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable made them beautiful. They didn’t talk about vulnerability being comfortable, nor did they really talk about it being excruciating — as I had heard it earlier in the shame interviewing. They just talked about it being necessary. They talked about the willingness to say, “I love you” first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees, the willingness to breathe through waiting for the doctor to call after your mammogram. They’re willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out. They thought this was fundamental.

I personally thought it was betrayal. I could not believe I had pledged allegiance to research, where our job — you know, the definition of research is to control and predict, to study phenomena, for the explicit reason to control and predict. And now my mission to control and predict had turned up the answer that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting. This led to a little breakdown — (Laughter) — which actually looked more like this. (Laughter) And it did. I call it a breakdown; my therapist calls it a spiritual awakening. A spiritual awakening sounds better than breakdown, but I assure you it was a breakdown. And I had to put my data away and go find a therapist. Let me tell you something: you know who you are when you call your friends and say, “I think I need to see somebody. Do you have any recommendations?” Because about five of my friends were like, “Wooo. I wouldn’t want to be your therapist.” (Laughter) I was like, “What does that mean?” And they’re like, “I’m just saying, you know. Don’t bring your measuring stick.” I was like, “Okay.”

So I found a therapist. My first meeting with her, Diana — I brought in my list of the way the whole-hearted live, and I sat down. And she said, “How are you?” And I said, “I’m great. I’m okay.” She said, “What’s going on?” And this is a therapist who sees therapists, because we have to go to those, because their B.S. meters are good. (Laughter) And so I said, “Here’s the thing, I’m struggling.” And she said, “What’s the struggle?” And I said, “Well, I have a vulnerability issue. And I know that vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love. And I think I have a problem, and I need some help.” And I said, “But here’s the thing: no family stuff, no childhood shit.” (Laughter) “I just need some strategies.” (Laughter) (Applause) Thank you. So she goes like this. (Laughter) And then I said, “It’s bad, right?” And she said, “It’s neither good nor bad.” (Laughter) “It just is what it is.” And I said, “Oh my God, this is going to suck.”

(Laughter)

And it did, and it didn’t. And it took about a year. And you know how there are people that, when they realize that vulnerability and tenderness are important, that they surrender and walk into it. A: that’s not me, and B: I don’t even hang out with people like that. (Laughter) For me, it was a yearlong street fight. It was a slugfest. Vulnerability pushed, I pushed back. I lost the fight, but probably won my life back.

And so then I went back into the research and spent the next couple of years really trying to understand what they, the whole-hearted, what choices they were making, and what are we doing with vulnerability. Why do we struggle with it so much? Am I alone in struggling with vulnerability? No. So this is what I learned. We numb vulnerability — when we’re waiting for the call. It was funny, I sent something out on Twitter and on Facebook that says, “How would you define vulnerability? What makes you feel vulnerable?” And within an hour and a half, I had 150 responses. Because I wanted to know what’s out there. Having to ask my husband for help because I’m sick, and we’re newly married; initiating sex with my husband; initiating sex with my wife; being turned down; asking someone out; waiting for the doctor to call back; getting laid off; laying off people — this is the world we live in. We live in a vulnerable world. And one of the ways we deal with it is we numb vulnerability.

And I think there’s evidence — and it’s not the only reason this evidence exists, but I think it’s a huge cause — we are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort in U.S. history. The problem is — and I learned this from the research — that you cannot selectively numb emotion. You can’t say, here’s the bad stuff. Here’s vulnerability, here’s grief, here’s shame, here’s fear, here’s disappointment. I don’t want to feel these. I’m going to have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. (Laughter) I don’t want to feel these. And I know that’s knowing laughter. I hack into your lives for a living. God. (Laughter) You can’t numb those hard feelings without numbing the other affects, our emotions. You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb those, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.

One of the things that I think we need to think about is why and how we numb. And it doesn’t just have to be addiction. The other thing we do is we make everything that’s uncertain certain. Religion has gone from a belief in faith and mystery to certainty. I’m right, you’re wrong. Shut up. That’s it. Just certain. The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are. This is what politics looks like today. There’s no discourse anymore. There’s no conversation. There’s just blame. You know how blame is described in the research? A way to discharge pain and discomfort. We perfect. If there’s anyone who wants their life to look like this, it would be me, but it doesn’t work. Because what we do is we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks. (Laughter) Which just, I hope in 100 years, people will look back and go, “Wow.”

(Laughter)

And we perfect, most dangerously, our children. Let me tell you what we think about children. They’re hardwired for struggle when they get here. And when you hold those perfect little babies in your hand, our job is not to say, “Look at her, she’s perfect. My job is just to keep her perfect — make sure she makes the tennis team by fifth grade and Yale by seventh grade.” That’s not our job. Our job is to look and say, “You know what? You’re imperfect, and you’re wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.” That’s our job. Show me a generation of kids raised like that, and we’ll end the problems I think that we see today. We pretend that what we do doesn’t have an effect on people. We do that in our personal lives. We do that corporate — whether it’s a bailout, an oil spill, a recall — we pretend like what we’re doing doesn’t have a huge impact on other people. I would say to companies, this is not our first rodeo, people. We just need you to be authentic and real and say, “We’re sorry. We’ll fix it.”

But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive.” And the last, which I think is probably the most important, is to believe that we’re enough. Because when we work from a place, I believe, that says, “I’m enough,” then we stop screaming and start listening, we’re kinder and gentler to the people around us, and we’re kinder and gentler to ourselves.

That’s all I have. Thank you.

melihat ke belakang…

Ditengah ngelembur mengerjakan side job yang membantuku bernafas panjang di kota Jogja ;), kebetulan aku membuka-buka folder lama sekaligus mencari data yang mungkin bisa terpakai, dan naskah ini menjumpaiku kembali… Sebuah naskah perdana, dengan beberapa kisah nyata yang diangkat dari buku “Menguak Pelanggaran Hak Asasi Buruh Migran Indonesia
Catatan Penanganan Kasus BMP-PRT Solidaritas Perempuan Tahun 2005-2009” yang dipentaskan di Galeri Salihara, 30 April 2010. Ya, tentu saja Leo Lintang memukau karena ia sudah sering menghadapi realitas panggung. Selebihnya, aku terpana dengan akting dilakukan kelompok perempuan Komunitas SP Jabotabek yang dalam kesehariannya berprofesi sebagai ibu rumah tangga. Ah, tidak, itu bukan akting—itu refleksi solidaritas dan kesakitan yang mungkin sama mereka rasakan senyata-nyatanya….

————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Sebuah fragmen dari beberapa realitas yang dihadapi Buruh Migran Perempuan Indonesia. Hanya percikan fragmen. Ada Yani, seorang BMP yang bekerja di sebuah toko konveksi, setiap hari bekerja belasan jam. Ia menyimpan setiap pahit getirnya hujatan dan tindakan mendegradasi kemanusiaan yang dilakukan majikannya. Diolah, dan dijadikannya bara untuk melakukan resistensi. Ngatiyem awalnya merajut mimpi untuk bekerja seperti Yani, yang pulang dengan membawa kemakmuran bagi keluarganya. Tapi ia ditipu oleh pihak PT dan diperdagangkan. Setiap hari ia hanya membawa mimpi-mimpinya purbanya dalam rajutan kruistiknya, dan memandang ketinggian kota dari flat tempat ia diisolasi dari dunia luar, kecuali pada saat melayani…. Daffa, seorang pekerja sosial yang setiap hari bergulat dengan pelayanan kasus pelanggaran HAM berlapis yang dialami Buruh Migran. Ia menjerit dalam kontemplasinya. Neneng bertutur nyanyian sunyi hatinya. Sendiri. Begitulah ia harus mengembalikan tiap kepingan kediriannya setiap hari. Setelah ia diperkosa oleh anak majikannya di tempat kerja.

Casts:
Yani : BMP asal Jawa Tengah yang mengalami kekerasan berlapis—mulai dari sebelum pemberangkatan, dan di tempat kerja
Neneng : Mantan BMP asal Jawa Barat yang menuturkan kisahnya dari kaca mata orang pertama. Mengingat-ingat kembali kasus yang dialami ketika di Arab Saudi.
Ngatiyem : Awalnya ia merajut mimpi menjadi BMP, namun ternyata ditrafik
Daffa : Advokat
Majikan : Berkewarganegaraan Malaysia yang membuka toko sekaligus memproduksi sendiri konveksinya
Pelaku Trafficking
Orang tua Ngatiyem

ADEGAN 1

Keempat perempuan berdiri di panggung—masing-masing melihat ke titik berlainan.

Yani : Aku dengar mereka panggil kami pahlawan devisa sekarang… Hahaahha (tertawa getir)

Lights out Yani-Lights in Neneng

Neneng : (sambil menerawang, meremas perutnya) Pahlawan…Devisa??

Lights out in Neneng-Lights in Ngatiyem

Ngatiyem: (pandangan bermimpi) Pahlawan Devisaaaa….

Lights out in Ngatiyem-General lights

Daffa :Betapa Bangsa yang manis bibir dan senang berkata-kata… Pemerintahnya senang mengumbar-umbar makna. Pahlawan Devisa, kata mereka? Seolah-olah para buruh migran telah mendapat penghargaan yang sangat mulia dan mendapat tempat yang terhormat di mata bangsa dan negara.

Manis lidah supaya komoditas barang dagangnya laris manis… Para Buruh Migran Pekerja Rumah Tangga yang terus-menerus dihisap tubuh, pikiran, uang, dan kemanusiaannya. (setengah menjerit) symbolic order!! ’Pahlawan devisa’ hanyalah sebuah penghargaan semu di balik eksploitasi sistematis yang mereka alami.

Ngatiyem: (sambil merajut kruistik dan duduk di atas koper kulit tua) Aku ingin ke Sing-ga-pur. M’bak Yani sudah berangkat duluan ke sana. Pulang-pulang dia mbawa barang-barang anyar, mbangun rumah Spanyolan, beli sawah, nyumbang mbangun mesjid, nyekolahke adi-adi’e. Nek buatku sih, ketimbang di sini yang Cuma nggarep sawahnya orang—lha wong tanah kita juga dah dijual, yo mung nunggu hidup selesai. Kalo ndak yo jadi buruh tembako atau buruh pabrik jamu, ndak ada sandaran lagi. Kerja di Jakarta juga, ealah, kayaknya nggak bakal kerasan. Liat di TV kok rusuh melulu. Kemarin itu, ada berntem-berantem aparat sama wong-wong berpeci putih. Hiii… Wedhi aku. Hmmm… kalo langsung nikah yo sulit… Tetanggaku kuwi bolak-balik dipukuli suaminya gara-gara ndak isa ngasih uang untuk beli rokok kreteknya. Emoh aku nek begitu. Jadi, yo, mesti ono sandaran…. (keluar panggung, membawa kopernya)

Yani : (menyandarkan punggung ke dinding, tampak sangat lelah) aduhh…akhirnya bisa sandaran (mengipas-kipas dengan waslap)… Dari jam 5 pagi sampai 11 malam di toko konveksi… huufff… Urip ya buat dijalani dengan seneng, jadi kalau pulang membawa uang dan cerita-cerita gembira saja lah… Nggak perlu sesumbar ‘nek di penampungan kerap dipukul, ditendang, dan ditampar pengelola penampungan.

Waktu ditraining, salah bumbu sedikit, langsung diludahkannya makanan di hadapanku, salah muter tombol pemanas air didorong sampe kepeleset di kamar mandi, terus-menerus dikatakan bodoh-gublok-tolol kamu… Kalau begini kerjamu, pulang tinggal jadi mayat, ngerti?!? Hahhaa… Koyo’ mandor kumpeni di film Pitung… Aku yo gak bisa ketemu keluarga atau teman selama tinggal di penampungan. Tapi ya lain cerita kalo waktu itu jadi kabur to yo…

Aku itu sehabis lulus SMP, gak neruske sekolah. Nek biyen banyak anak perempuan di desaku yang pergi ke Jakarta atau luar negeri untuk bekerja setelah lulus SD atau SMP. Bapak mendesakku buat pergi ke Singapura, menjadi PRT dinggo meringankan beban keluarga. Jarene, adik laki-lakiku perlu biaya besar buat sekolah sampai tamat SMA. Wedhi to yo nek dianggap ndak berbakti karo Bapak’e….. (keluar panggung)

Neneng: Sudah beberapa hari Eneng nggak datang bulan. Sepertinya sesuatu terjadi dalam tubuh Eneng, rahim saya bergemuruh, nggak lama setelah balik dari Hail Baga, Arab Saudi… Eneng bekerja dengan seluruh jiwa raga, sekalipun majikan itu kurang ajar jiwa dan raga. Tapi dadu nasib saya terlontar ke arah yang berbeda.

Kala itu, sore hari yang masih cukup terang—Eneng menyiapkan makan malam untuk dua majikan yang sedang membeli laban….. Dia menyergap saya di depan. Diantara bau minyak zaitun dan kompor yang masih menyala. Beberapa panci berjatuhan saat Eneng mencoba membela diri, tapi tubuh ini bertumbuh dari asupan gizi singkong dan tempe seadanya dari kecil, sedangkan anak majikan keparat saya itu makan daging lembu setiap hari. Tak banyak yang bisa Eneng perbuat dalam perlawanan itu, dan dia dengan mudahnya merobek selaput dara saya… Memperkosa saya bagai binatang. Meluluhlantakkan benteng pertahanan terakhir yang saya punya saat itu. (keluar panggung)

ADEGAN 2
Ngatiyem sedang merajut dengan kuku berwarna merah cabai, menduduki koper dengan rok mini dan baju dinas perempuan malam tatapannya kosong. Ia tengah-tengah rajutan, jarinya tertusuk jarum dan berdarah… Darahnya menetesi kruistiknya… Ia tiba-tiba terisak… meremas kruistiknya…. Latar belakang pemandangan kota dari atas apartemen

Ngatiyem: Impian-impian itu bohong semua!! Kenapa harus akuuu…. Kenapaaa?? Iyem mau nyusul M’bak Yani, kok malah disekap di sini…. Dibohongi, nggak pernah sampai ke Singapura… Dinodai berkali-kali, berkali-kali… Aku wis ndak punya harga lagi… (menggedor tembok dengan view ke luar apartemen) Dikunci di ketinggian seperti ini… Nggak pegang uang sepeser pun….
Pelaku
Trafficking: (membawa gembok) Hey you!! It’s your turn now!! (Menarik tubuh Yem—Iyem berusaha memberontak, mencengkram, menarik kausnya, menamparnya…) You bitch! (menamparnya balik, darah keluar dari mulutnya… ia langsung memelintir dari belakang, mengancamnya dengan pisau di leher Yem.) Dare on me now, huh?!

Ngatiyem: (tak bisa melawan lagi dengan pisau di lehernya) Yo wes karepmu, Asu!! Jual sekalian tubuhku!! Tubuh ini bukan punya Iyem lagi… (Tertawa menggelegar)

***

Eneng :Eneng demam tinggi habis itu, mungkin berhalusinasi beberapa kali, melihat Emak dan Abah di samping tempat tidur, mengusap kepala Eneng dengan gemulainya dan berkata ‘Pulanglah, Neng… Tong biarkeun kamu kehilangan kemanusiaanmu karena mereka.’ Eneng ingin menjaga gambaran mereka supaya tak keluar dari kamar, majikan perempuan terus-menerus mencecar Eneng yang terbaring lemah dan nggak bisa kerja. Eneng juga ga bisa ngomong, lidah teh kaya ada batunya… Di suatu malam, seminggu setelah peristiwa, binatang itu masuk ke dalam kamar Eneng dan ia mengancam akan ngadu pada majikan kalo yang telah dengan genit menggodanya adalah saya, dan bilang jangan harap bisa balik ke Indonesia, karena sudah pasti mati dirajam karena berzina. Ia membekap mulut saya, menjerit sekeras hati juga teredam saat itu—saat ia memperkosa saya untuk kedua kalinya.

***
Daffa: Selalu ada kumpulan manusia yang berbakti dan bervisi untuk menguasai manusia lainnya, dari segala celah yang memungkinkan…. Dari penampungan PPTKIS, ketika akan berangkat ke negara tujuan lewat moda transportasi aaapapuun itu, lalu ketika tiba di negara tujuan, di tempat kerja, sampai meninggalkan negara tujuan untuk kembali ke Indonesia hingga ke tahap buruh migran menginjakkan kaki ke Indonesia hingga sampai di daerah asalnya—semuanya! Semmuuanya mengandung kontrol, eksploitasi dan penindasan patriarkis di tingkat materi dan ideologi mulai dari pikiran, kerja, kesuburan dan seksualitas perempuan dalam keluarga, di tempat kerja dan dalam masyarakat secara umum….

Dan kerja-kerja kita sepertinya masih begitu panjang dan berliku, kawan (multimedia shot: grafik-grafik-grafik …) Dalam rentang waktu 4 tahun, angka kekerasan BMP naik dari 15.2% menjadi 19.4% di Jawa Barat, dari 0.9 menjadi 2.4 % di Jakarta… Dan angka-angka kekerasan terhadap BMP itu terusss..merayap naik…

***
Neneng: (multimedia shot: bayi) merayap naik, rasanya. Janin ini seperti mau bicara pada Neng… Kata Kang Mantri teh… tubuh nggak bisa dibohongi…. Habis mual-mual yang terus-terusan itu, Neng putuskan ke puskesmas. Imah udah positif hamil 28 minggu, katana (tertawa keras, lalu tatapan hampa dan meremas keras perutnya)… Kayak apa bayinya nanti ya? Masak Eneng harus ngelahirin bayi iblis??

(wajahnya mengeras) Eneng mah nggak pernah rela diperlakukan begini… Neng datengin PPTKIS yang memberangkatkan Eneng, menuntut supaya anak majikan ngasih tunjangan buat jabang bayinya. Dapet sih, klaim asuransinya…. Cuman 3,5 juta…. Bersalin mah nteu cekap… Tapi dua minggu setelah ke Mantri, bayi Eneng meninggal dunia… (menatap nanar, multimedia shot: gambar bayi dalam air… Ia mencoba merengkuhnya tapi gambar itu berubah jadi buih)

***
ADEGAN 3
Yani : (Membawa ember berisi kain yang sedang dimerahkan. Uapnya mengepul merah)… Gaji yang aku kumpulkan buat Bapak dan Ibu di kampung itu juga ndak mudah ngumpulinnya, sempet lama ndak digaji sama majikan. Kalo aku tanya, jawabnya…..

Majikan : (masuk membawa sempoa dan tumpukan kuitansi) (nyinyir) You think you can keep you punya gaji? You pasti habiskan itu masa after I gave you lah. Stupid filthy pig women. Better if I had male’s servant, lah?! They’d never asked their money forward like you. You’ll spend it for make up and ugly clothes with tiger motives. Kantoi, lah. Indon don’t have any sense of style! (menarik pinggi baju Rani ke bawah, memegang helai rambut Yani dengan jijik, lalu keluar panggung)

Yani :Dasar. (bertolak pinggang) Senengane kok pag-pig-pag-pig wae. Kaya ga punya stok cacian lain aja. (gaya jenaka) Pokoknya waktu itu kerja teroosss…. Setiap hari, Sabtu Minggu yo ho’oh. Neng pabrik konveksi subuh sampe siang, njuk njaga toko kain, njuk mbantu-mabantu di rumah majikan bar rampungan tutup toko jam 10 malam (terbatuk-batuk parah—nyaris sesak nafas). Halah, ini watuk kok yo soyo parah (batuknya yang terakhir mengeluarkan darah, diusapkannya ke bahu kirinya)… Aku terus-terusan menghirup uap pewarna kain. Kadang nggak nguati. Sebulan pertama itu aku ambruk gara-gara batuk-batuk koyo’ ngene iki… ning dokter, dikasih tau nek TBC—mungkin catnya beracun, ngono… Gajiku dipotong untuk mbiyayai rumah sakit, majikan marah-maraaaahhhhhh gara-gara aku disuruh dokter istirahat seminggu—tapi dia….

Majikan: (masuk panggung kembaliYou datang ke sini macam berlibur saja, hah? No way, no way! Dokter tu macam sok kuasa sahaja. No, I’ll only let you take a rest for two days. Or I’m gonna potong you punya sallary sama biaya berobat yesterday!

Yani : Saya harusnya dapat itu biaya medical, Chi….

Majikan : Ay, ay, ay…. Sudah berani you balas I punya cakap sekarang, yaaaa?!?! Tak! Tak ada! Tak ada! Di kontrak yang you tanda tangani itu tak ada alokasi medic, ya!! Stupid pig!! I sudah curiga you memang illitirate!! Bangsa bodoh, sepanjang tahun Cuma bisa ciptakan babu macam you, hah!! (menjambak rambut Yani, ia menepisnya dan memelintir balik tangan majikannya. Majikannya menjerit) Eh, lepas! Get your filthy hands out of me!
Yani : Chichi mesti tau ya, saya biasa memelintir kain dari uap cat panas yang nyaris bikin saya cacat ini tiap hari… Kalau cuma tangan chichi, Yani bisa bikin jadi serpihan!!

Majikan : Leepppasss!! You crazyy!! (Yani menepiskan kasar tangannya)

Yani : You’re the one making me crazy!!

Majikan : (mengurut lengannya yang kesakitan) Aaarrghhh!! I will call the cop! You’ll trying to kill me in a near time, I believe!! (ia berlari keluar dengan tudingan mengancam)

Yani :(memandang majikannya keluar panggung, lalu mengalihkan pandangan ke dalam ember cat kain, lalu meniup asapnya jauh-jauh) Aku sudah cukup berjuang sejauh ini, tapi bukan Yani namaku nek kalah cuma gara-gara ini semua… (menatap uap mengepul, lalu berdiri tegak mengambil ember dan berlalu) Aku akan melawan hingga habis yang kupunya!

ADEGAN 4
(Adegan Yem lari dari flat tempat ia dikunci selama di trafficking—Pelaku trafficking kebingungan sambil membawa telepon—berbahasa Thailand, menyatakan Yem kabur… Yem berlari mengitari arena—sambil membawa sepatunya… Rambutnya berantakan, ada luka memar di wajah dan beberapa tubuhnya… Ia merayap berjalan di arena tembok dengan menyeret telapak tangannya yang berdarah, sesekali menengok ke belakang dengan cemas… Lalu ia berlari, dengan setengah menyusuri tembok, menyongsong kebebasannya dengan tertawa riang… )

Closing
(alunan gitar dari Alus, Intro May Day. Daffa keluar menyanyikan lagu. Mengajak seluruh casting menyanyikan lagu May Day… Sekaligus mengajak audiens turut bernyanyi

bookspaperscissors:

Papercraft by People Too

alecshao:

Nike Savvas, Atomic: Full of Love, Full of Wonder, 2005

(via ryandonato)

lionskeleton:

Forever Mod, Coy Communications

Memeluk Utopia: Katalog Data IVAA #Interkultur

Indonesian Visual Art Archive membuat saya me-re-definisi kembali makna dari dari archivists—orang-orang yang peduli, bergerak, dan memfokuskan energinya untuk mengarsip. Mereka sangat soc-med savvy dan serba digital, punya kesadaran kampanye dan jemputbola luas…. Nggak heran banyak yang cinta dengan ruang ini, karena mereka membuat semuanya begitu mudah diakses untuk semua kalangan. Bukan rahasia kalau gerakannya sangat posmo, ini bisa dilihat dari salah satu produk yang baru-baru ini dilansir: Katalog Data IVAA #04 bertema Interkultur yang “memprovokasi” reproduksi pengetahuan, atau pretexts bagi isu-isu senirupa dan budaya visual dalam kerangka kompilasi peristiwa bersejarah di Indonesia, serta persinggungan, pergesekan, maupun diaspora kebudayaan dalam keragaman wajahnya.

Search Engine di Google mampu membawa kita pada beragam artikel pdf atau definisi mengenai interkulturalitas, namun sebagian besar secara historis diciptakan untuk mewakili dan memvalidasi identitas Nasional atau Lokal. Atau, seperti komentar pembuka yang dikeluarkan Jemmy Irwansyah sebagai penanggap, interkulturalitas terkadang menjebak kita dalam stereotipe yang menyesatkan—sebagaimana tradisi Huntington dan modernisasi identitas yang berbenturan dengan yang tak modern.Tapi bagi saya, Kompilasi Katalog ini, serius deh, groundbreaking. Sama sekali nggak menjejelakan jargon cliche interkultural yang, di satu sisi, menjebak kita dalam komodifikasi budaya minoritas (dan segala artefaknya) melalui wacana selebrasi dan praktik-praktik yang mempromosikan interaksi, pemahaman, respek, serta integrasi antar-budaya dan kelompok-kelompok etnis (sambil mengenang-ngenang frasa “Pucuk-Pucuk Kebudayaan” yang sukses di-embroidery OrBa ke dalam otak saya).

Buka saja halaman pertama selepas colophon (eh, keempat ding, selepas dua lembar kosong berwarna ungu—wow yea, ungu loh! #backsound: Start Wearing Purple oleh Gogol Bordello) karya tinta cina Amenk (Mufti Priyanka) seorang skinhead dengan tattoo di kedua lengannya, spike choker di leher dan mata berleleran body paint KISSable (ini sih rekaan saya, kayaknya groupies-nya KISS tidak bernama demikian), dalam posisi shalat tahiyat dan rantai menjuntai dari celananya. Asma 4JJI (ini versi SMS—baca: “Tuhan Semesta Alam”) di atas kepalanya, dalam pendaran cahaya yang mengingatkan saya pada logo Muhammadiyah (bedanya sinarnya nggak dikalkulasi dan karenanya gak usah repot-repot menebak simbolisasinya—yang pernah bersekolah di produk-produk pendidikan organisasi massa ini pasti paham maksud saya).

Menarik dialog antara subkultur dan relijiusitas agama dominan di Indonesia menjadi POV yang dikemukakan di awal katalog, dan ini merupakan pengajuan yang berpotensi kritis terhadap status quo dan nggak berpretensi atau menjerumuskan pada universalitas. Yah, sekalipun sudah ada Taqwa Core di nagari Paman Sam.

Sebagai genearasi yang lahir pada tahun 80’an, katalog ini menjadi sebuah jendela yang membawa kita bertegur sapa dengan beberapa karya bersejarah, seperti Wakidi, Basuki Abdullah, Wisade, Dullah, Lee Man-Fong dalam katalog koleksi Presiden Sukarno. Selain itu, kutipan-kutipan dari berbagai tokoh kebudayaan seperti M. Hatta, St. Takdir Alisjahbana, S. Sudjojono, Sanento Yuliman, hingga penulis yang lebih kekinian seperti Asmudjo J. Irianto, Hendro Wiyanto, Jim Supangkat, Agung Hujatnikajennong, Adi Wicaksono—membuat saya yang di kampus dicekoki teori-teori Barat, merasa harus banyak melacak budayawan dan penulis Indonesia yang menawarkan begitu banyak pemikiran mengenai persinggungan negara-bangsa dan identitas Nasional serta imperialisme, kapitalisme, dan globalisasi. Kesadaran mengenai segregasi genealogis dalam sebagai ekses kolonialisme dan menguatnya fundamentalisme agama paska Orde-Baru selalu menjadi fokus yang disasar tajam-tajam.

Bersepakat dengan Irwansyah, saya juga percaya bahwa penerbitan Katalog Data IVAA ini meneguhkan pentingnya proses inskripsi katalog sebagai profesi penting dan progressif di masa akan datang bagi audiens yang lebih besar, serta kehadirannya yang “menghimpun dan melintasi pameran.”

Arief Adityawan S. mengkritisi desain Katalog secara umum, yang seakan-akan steril dan obyektif tapi sebetulnya memiliki agenda sangat kentara dan berpihak. Senada dengan Jemmy, beberapa kelompok yang termarjinalisasi seperti Etnis Tionghoa belum terakomodasi, serta rangkaian peristiwa signifikan seperti pergolakan politik dan pembantaian massa ’65 yang membawa lebih jauh makna semiotika seni rupa penyadaran—bahwa persebaran tanda-tanda visual adalah bagian dari propaganda—belum hadir. Beberapa slides yang dihadirkan membawa peserta diskusi yang memenuhi RuRu Art Shop bernostalgia, pada album-album Atik C.B. yang dicekal karena kalung palu arit yang dipakainya, pada gambar artifisial keluarga KB bahagia, pada para pengguna identitas keagamaan yang merajai jalanan.

Salah seorang penanggap, seorang kawan dari Jatiwangi berbagi mengenai keasyikannya bersama-sama membuat video komunitas serta serangkaian workshop dalam program JAF. Ia berkabar jika aktivitas BAB di sungai telah jauh berkurang karena penggunaan instrumen visual menggunakan helai rambut dan aqua (banner partai segede gaban buat alat persuasi? So yesterday, ciiiyynnn)… Inspirasi dan energi yang sampai kepadanya dapat saya rasakan, perasaan yang sama ketika menghadapi seniman dengan kerja-kerja yang menuntut perfeksionisme, detail, dan intensitas tinggi.

Tentu peran produk IVAA ini strategis dalam siklus reproduksi pengetahuan yang melintasi polarisasi keberagaman budaya, bukan melalui kultur statis atau fiks, namun antara beragam individu yang ingin mencari kesempatan tercapainya solidaritas dalam menegosiasikan perbedaan, sebagai bagian kelompok-kelompok berdasarkan dinamika etnis atau kelompok-kelompok kultural secara luas.

Ada begitu banyak yang bisa diperbincangkan, sayang sekali waktu terbatas kala itu. Beberapa tema menarik seperti migrasi dan proyek-proyek residensi seni lintas-negara, perdebatan mengenai keberagaman media maupun highlight pada media alternatif, serta peran festival kesenian dalam dialog lintas budaya belum begitu mengemuka. Faktor moderatornya yang agak galau dan kaku-kikuk juga cukup berperan.

Jika multikulturalisme adalah sebuah fakta kehidupan sementara interkulturalitas adalah utopia, maka mari memeluk utopia ini bersama-sama.

danceabletragedy:

BUDI SATRIA KWAN